Fake smile....hurt eyeS...

The sun is shining high in the sky..
Children playing in the park...
BBQs roasting a family meal...
Smiles, Laughter..
People drinking, eating, all the while chatting, laughing...
I wish for clouds..
I wish for rain..
I wish to be alone..
I wish to frown and cry..
I wish for no food to enter my lips..
The drink handed to me tastes sweet, bitter.
Every swollow making my throat gag.
Every mouth full of food making me feel sick.
Every smile making my chest ache.
The sound of laughter making my heart burn.
The close, intimate party continues around me.
People get louder, more confident in their company.
I dont think I can breathe.
In, out, in, out. It hurts.
But yet nobody can see.
While they smile, laugh, eat, drink, dance, sing, live.
I sit there.
The same small smile resting on my lips. Fake.
This smile is Fake...
If people only stopped to look.
To see. They would notice.
Worry would cloud their eyes.
Questions would burn their tongues.
But They dont see. They look. But do not see.
If they seen, they would see past my 'smile'.
They would look into my eyes.
See the truth.See the pain, hurt, guilt, shame, despair, blame, worry, life.
But. They do not see.
People do not look in my eyes.
Maybe its becasue my 'smile' fools them. Or maybe.
Its becasue they know.
They know what my eyes are trying to tell them.
Tell anyone.They know. But they just dont care...